15 Signs of a Fake Friend (and What to Do About It)

15 signs of a fake friend

1. They only show up when they need something. Help with homework, a ride, money, your notes before an exam. When you need something back, they’re suddenly busy.
2. They talk about you behind your back. If they gossip about other friends to you, there’s a good chance they gossip about you to others too.
3. Your good news makes them quiet. A real friend is happy when you win. A fake friend changes the subject, finds something wrong with it, or goes cold for a day.
4. They compete with you instead of cheering for you. Got a good mark? They got a better one. New shoes? Theirs are nicer. Everything becomes a contest.
5. They never remember the things you tell them. Your birthday, your exam, the thing you were worried about all week. They just don’t pay attention.
6. They make you feel bad about yourself. Jokes that always land on you, “just being honest” comments, little digs in front of others. You leave hanging out with them feeling worse.
7. They cancel plans all the time. Once is life. Every time, especially when something “better” comes up, is a pattern.
8. They’re a different person around other people. Nice when it’s just you two, but they ignore you or join in the teasing when the “cool” group is around.
9. You always text first. If you stopped messaging, would you ever hear from them again? Try it for a week and see.
10. They share your secrets. You told them something private and now other people know. That’s one of the clearest signs there is.
11. They’re never there when things go wrong. They’re around for the parties and the fun, but disappear when you’re sad, sick or in trouble.
12. They copy you, then act like it was their idea. Your style, your plans, your jokes. Copying can be a compliment, but not when they take the credit.
13. They try to keep you away from other friends. They get annoyed when you make new friends or spend time with anyone else, and sometimes say bad things about them.
14. Every conversation is about them. Their problems, their drama, their news. When it’s your turn to talk, they’re on their phone.
15. Your gut tells you something is off. Sometimes you can’t point to one thing, but you never feel relaxed around them. That feeling is worth listening to.

Why do people act like fake friends?

It’s not always because they’re a bad person. Common reasons:

• Insecurity. People who feel bad about themselves sometimes try to bring others down to feel better.
• Jealousy. They want what you have, and it comes out as competing or putting you down. (More on that in how to tell if your best friend is jealous.)
• Wanting to fit in. Some people change who they are depending on the group, and you get the version that suits them.
• They’re just not that close to you. Sometimes you see someone as a best friend, and they see you as a classmate. That hurts, but it isn’t always on purpose.

What to do about it

1. Don’t jump to conclusions. Look for a pattern over weeks, not one bad day.
2. Talk to them. Say what happened and how it made you feel, without attacking: “When you told everyone about my crush, I felt really embarrassed.” A real friend will listen.
3. Watch what happens next. Do they change, or do they make excuses and do it again?
4. Give your time to the people who show up for you. You don’t need a big dramatic ending. You can just slowly spend less time with them.

If you’ve already decided a friend is fake, read what to do when you find out a friend is fake.

Test it in a fun way

A simple way to see who really pays attention: make a Fake Friend Test. Answer questions about yourself, send the link to your friends, and see who knows you best on the scoreboard. It’s not a lie detector, but it’s a good laugh, and the results can be surprising.

One more thing

If a “friend” is bullying you, threatening you, or making you feel unsafe, that’s more than a fake friend. Talk to a parent, a teacher or another adult you trust. You don’t have to deal with it alone.